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But lemme tell ya, sex-dating’s got its wild side. Little known fact: back in the 90s, pre-internet hookups were all “personal ads” in newspapers. “Man seeks woman, likes woodworkin’, no fatties.” Straight to the point! Now it’s all emojis and dick pics—progress, my ass. Makes me laugh, though—some poor sap sends a blurry wang shot, thinks he’s Casanova. “She doesn’t respond, I don’t understand!” he cries. Buddy, she’s in a coma of boredom, like Almodóvar’s gal.

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I hop on my bike, zoomin’ through the streets. Saryozek’s got this vibe, man. The mix of old Soviet buildings and new shops is wild. I pass by the market on Kabanbay Batyr Street. The smell of fresh bread hits me. I swear, I could live off that stuff. But I gotta keep movin’.

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