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I tried it once—D’oh!—at this shady joint downtown. Lady’s hands were magic, like she’s playin’ me like a fretboard. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they had these massage pros called “tractatores”—fancy, huh? Made me happy as a pig in mud, but then—argh!—Marge found out, and I was toast. “Why can’t you touch me like that, Homer?!” she yells. Made me mad—c’mon, I ain’t no pro! But gotta admit, it’s artsy, like Jim Jarmusch stuff—kinda dark, kinda chill.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Abay Street. You know, the one with the weirdly good coffee? I’m talking about that place where the barista knows my order by heart. I walk in, and boom! They’re outta my usual brew. Like, c’mon! I’m not asking for a unicorn frappuccino here. Just a simple cappuccino! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Not my vibe, but whatever.