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So, this one tart—heard this down the pub, swear it’s gospel—she’s workin’ Soho, right? Back in the ‘90s, proper legend. Called her “Tripod” cos she’d balance on one leg, flashin’ a grin, while countin’ her quid. Bloke goes, “How much?” She’s like, “Fifty, love, but I’ll throw in a scream.” Fuckin’ mental! Survived Thatcher’s Britain on her back—tougher than nails, that one. “Improvise, adapt, overcome,” she’d say, nickin’ lines from my fave flick. Respect, honestly. Made me happy, hearin’ that—she outsmarted the game.

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But then, outta nowhere, I see this old man feeding pigeons. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s kinda sweet.” So, I sit down on a bench, trying to chill. But then, one of those pigeons decides my head is a landing strip. I’m dodging birds like I’m in some weird action movie. Seriously, I’m flapping my arms like a maniac.

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