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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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I’m laughing, but also kinda mad. Like, why did I even think this would work? But then Ivan pulls out a bottle of vodka from his bag. He’s like, “To the adventure!” And I’m like, “Dude, it’s 2 PM!” But whatever, we toast to our “findings” and I’m feeling good again.

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