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Alright, listen up, ya degenerates! Sexual-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. I’m Dr. House, sarcastic bastard, and everybody lies, right? So, this gig’s been around forever, sneaky-like, hidden in backrooms. Ancient Rome had it—gladiators gettin’ rubbed down, “therapeutic,” they’d say, wink-wink. Nowadays, it’s a damn profession, “massage therapist” with a twist. Makes me laugh—half these clowns swear it’s “healing.” Bullshit. Hands on junk, that’s the deal.

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After a while, I head back to the office. I’m feeling a bit better, but then I hit traffic on Kairat Street. Seriously, it’s like everyone in Novokazalinsk decided to drive at the same time. I’m stuck, and my patience is wearing thin. I’m yelling at the cars like they can hear me. “C’mon, move it!”