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What pisses me off? When they get too cocky—ooh, look at me, I’m sensual! Mate, you’re sweaty and smell like lavender gone wrong. Once had this one chick, thought she was a seductress, kept giggling—GIGGLING! Wanted to throttle her. “I choose violence,” I muttered, but kept it chill coz the wine was flowing. Happy bit? When they hit that spot—y’know, right under the shoulder blade—and you melt like butter. Surprised me first time, legit thought I’d float off the table.

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So, I’m walking down Abay Street, trying to shake off the wet sock vibes. I pass by that little café, you know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I think it’s called “Sweet Dreams” or something. I’m tempted to grab a coffee, but the line is like a mile long. Seriously, who has time for that?