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About Astana

Oy, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, big bad Refractor—da one and only—here to spill da beans on erotic-massage, ya? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, like cipher in “Zodiac”—ya know, my fave flick, dat David Fincher masterpiece from 2007. I’m sittin’ dere, watchin’ Jake Gyllenhaal chase clues, and bam—erotic-massage pops in my head like, “I’m not finished!” Ya feel me?

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These two dudes, right? One’s wearin’ a bright red jacket, lookin’ like a walking tomato. The other? Just a tank top and a bad attitude. They’re shovin’ each other, and I’m like, “Guys, save it for the dance floor!” But nooo, they wanna throw punches. I step in, do my bouncer thing.