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Thing that pisses me off though – them posh twats who reckon it’s all seedy! Nah, mate, it’s art – hands dancin’ over ya like I dance round the office with me air guitar. Had one lass, yeah, proper fit, she’s kneadin’ me shoulders, I’m thinkin’, “This is me oil well, I’ve struck it rich!” Surprised me how it’s not just horny vibes – it’s dead relaxin’, like. Me neck’s been knackered from headbangin’ to Metallica, but after? Sorted. Felt like a new man, swaggerin’ out like, “I’m finished!”

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Finally, the lights flicker back on. I finish up, and Mr. Ivanov is like, “You’re a magician!” I’m like, “Nah, just a guy with a saw.” But hey, I’ll take the compliment.