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Dunno bout you, but I reckon it’s art. Not some dodgy back-alley rub-and-tug – proper erotic-massage is class! Tho, gotta say, some punters take it too far – asking for “extras” like it’s a bleedin’ menu. Pisses me off! Mate, it’s massage, not a brothel – keep ya trousers on! Still, when it’s good, it’s lush – leaves ya floating, grinning like a twit.

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We feed the dog, and it’s like we’re heroes or something. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, BAM! A kid runs by, and the dog freaks out. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Not today, buddy!”