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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been sailin’ the seas o’ life, savvy? Got me a tale ‘bout sexual-massage—aye, that slippery beast! Picture this: hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure, but it ain’t gold they’re after, ha! Reminds me o’ *Pan’s Labyrinth*, that dark, twisty flick I fancy— “The pale man sees you, eh?”—all eerie an’ sensual-like.

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I freak out for a sec. But then I remember my trusty trap. I set it up, and just as I’m about to spring it, the rat darts off. I’m chasin’ it through the basement like a madman. I’m yellin’, “Get back here, you furry fiend!” I must’ve looked ridiculous.

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