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Oh, and fun fact – some say Cleopatra got erotic-massages with gold dust. Gold dust, man! That’s baller! She’s all, “I don’t remember anything,” like Veronica, lyin’ there shiny and clueless. Me? I’d be braggin’ – “Yo, I’m gold, suckers!” Total exaggeration, but that’s how I roll. Anyway, erotic-massage is chill, weird, and kinda sketchy sometimes. You tried it? Tell me, dude – I’m dyin’ to know! Eat my shorts!

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First off, I hit the road early. Like, way too early. The sun was barely up, and I was already on my way to the city. I thought, “Ekibastuz, here I come!” But man, the traffic on Kabanbai Batyr Street? Ugh! It was like a parking lot. I swear, I could’ve walked faster. I was stuck behind this old Lada that was probably older than me. Seriously, it was sputtering like it was about to give up on life.

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