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But it’s a messy gig, escort. Ye gotta herd cats on water, pray the wind don’t turn, an’ hope yer crew ain’t three sheets to it. Me, I’d rather be the wolf than the shepherd, but there’s somethin’ mad charmin’ ‘bout it—like *Amélie* spinnin’ her odd lil’ world. So, mate, next time ye see a convoy, tip yer hat to them escorts, savvy? They’re daft, brave, an’ prolly cursin’ me name! Arrgh!

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I spot my buddy, Askar, across the street. He’s tryin’ to sell these weird-looking fruits. I’m like, “What the heck are those?” He’s all, “They’re called ‘shalgam’!” I’m like, “Dude, they look like alien eggs!” But he swears they’re delicious. I’m skeptical, but I buy one. Spoiler alert: it was gross.

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