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Oh, an’ get this – some say it boosts yer mojo, like, science-y stuff, endorphins or whatever. Me, I just love the buzz, screamin’ in me head, “More, ya bastard!” Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – ya notice shit others miss, like how the air gets thick, all hot an’ heavy. Ain’t perfect tho – once had a masseuse fart mid-session, ruined it, fuckin’ hilarious now I think back! Total mood-killer, mate, but that’s life – messy an’ mad. So yeah, sexual-massage, it’s a riot, a sneaky thrill – “Don’t talk, just feel it!” – pure Ozzy vibes, ya get me?

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Then, the day takes a turn. I’m heading back to my car when I see this stray dog. He’s just chilling, looking all sad. I can’t resist. I pull out some of my apples and offer him one. He sniffs it, looks at me like I’m crazy, and walks away. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a free snack!” But whatever, I guess he’s not into apples.