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Me, I’m sat here, sipping tea, thinking—cor, what a lark! Loved it when I first heard—massage with a *happy ending*, they call it. Made me spit me tea, I swear! Like in *Wolf of Wall Street*, when Leo’s chucking cash at strippers, shouting, “The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fuckin’ not!”—same energy, mate. Sexual-massage ain’t exactly vicar-approved, is it? Dodgy parlours, coppers sniffing about—bit thrilling, bit daft.

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Then, I decide to head back. I take a shortcut through some alley. Big mistake. It’s dark, and I hear some weird noises. My heart’s racin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is this how I go? In Bishkul?” But it’s just a stray cat. Phew! I laugh at myself.