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Weirdest bit? Some places use feathers—feathers! Ticklin’ you into bliss—sounded dumb, but my pal swore it’s next-level. I’m picturin’ Eli goin’, “I can’t feel anything,” all deadpan, while feathers fly. Hilarious—erotic-massage ain’t subtle, but it’s sneaky good. Surprised me too—thought it’d be skeezy, but nah, pros make it chill, not sleazy. Tho, bad ones? Ew, sticky tables—pass!

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Then, boom! The door swings open. It’s this lady, all frantic. She’s like, “Help! My kid’s stuck in a tree!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m a barber, not a firefighter!” But she’s got that look, ya know? So, I grab my phone, call the fire department, and tell her to chill. Meanwhile, I’m still tryin’ to finish up with Mr. Bird’s Nest.