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Then there’s the good shit. Hooked up with this chef—fuck, she was fire! Knew her way round a bedroom, no recipe needed. “That’s a bingo!” I shouted, Tarantino-style. Made me happy, proper shagged out! But the ghostin’ after? Pissed me off! “You don’t scalp me, darlin’!” I’d yell if she’d answer. Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time, jackpot; half, you’re screwed.

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I rush back, and guess what? The café is closed! I’m freaking out. I’m like, “No way!” I knock on the door, and the barista opens it. She’s like, “You again?” I’m so embarrassed. But she’s cool about it. She hands me my wallet and says, “Next coffee’s on me.” What a lifesaver!

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