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But real talk—sexual-massage’s got history, y’know? Way back, like ancient times, folks in China were all about it. Called it somethin’ fancy—tuina or whatever—but it was sneaky-sexy! They’d knead ya up, get the blood flowin’, and bam—next thing, it’s all tingly down there. Little known fact: emperors loved it! Kept it hush-hush, tho. Sneaky devils! Makes me happy knowin’ people been freaky forever.

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I sprint down Kabanbay Batyr, dodging potholes like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I get to the café where we’re meeting, and guess what? He’s already there, sipping tea like he owns the place. I’m all out of breath, hair a mess, and he just raises an eyebrow. I’m like, “Sorry, man, traffic was wild.” He doesn’t buy it, but whatever.

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