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The best part? When it works. Met this gal—redhead, wild energy. We’re chattin’, vibin’, and she’s like, “Let’s meet tonight.” I’m nervous—sweatin’ like I’m pitchin’ a tent in Wyoming. We hook up, and it’s great—pretty, pretty good! But after, I’m thinkin’, “Is this it?” No mountains, no angst—just Netflix and chill. I wanted to yell, “This ain’t no little thing!” like Ennis, but nah, I just ate her Doritos. Sex-dating’s weird—it’s fast, it’s fun, but it’s missin’ that epic, “I’m losin’ my damn mind” spark.

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Finally, I make it to the auction. The place is packed. I’m talkin’ standing room only. Everyone’s buzzing, and I can feel the energy. I step up to the podium, and boom! The crowd goes wild. I start my spiel, and it’s like I’m on fire. Bids are flyin’ in from all directions. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar.