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Den dere’s da anger part—fuckin’ catfishes, man! Pics from 10 years ago, filters thick as my skull. Met a broad once, profile said “model,” shows up lookin’ like Uncle Junior after a bender. I’m like, “You kiddin’ me?!” But den, sometimes it’s gold—met dis one dame, legs for days, we’re bangin’ like it’s da last day on Earth. Happy as a pig in shit, I was. “You’re free now,” like Ida’s aunt says—felt dat, no lie.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a guy in the back starts waving his arms like he’s trying to take off. Turns out, he’s just trying to get my attention. “I’ll pay double!” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, chill! We’re not at a football game!” But hey, I’m not one to turn down a good offer.