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But sometimes it’s gold! Buddy o’ mine scored a threesome—THREE! Said it was like, “What’s so great about a tree? It’s a tree!”—meanin’ simple but fuckin’ magical. I was jealous, not gonna lie. Hella happy for him tho.

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Finally, I make it to the auction. The place is packed. I’m talkin’ standing room only. Everyone’s buzzing, and I can feel the energy. I step up to the podium, and boom! The crowd goes wild. I start my spiel, and it’s like I’m on fire. Bids are flyin’ in from all directions. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar.