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Like, literally, oh my gawd, being a parachutist firefighter is, like, so intense, and when I think about a whore—yep, I’m goin’ there—it’s, like, a total vibe shift! I’m Kim K, duh, and I’m obsessed with *Mad Max: Fury Road*, so picture this: me, droppin’ from the sky, all fabulous, into a wildfire, and there’s this whore, right? Not judgin’, just sayin’. She’s out there, in the dust, probs tradin’ kisses for water, like, “What a day, what a lovely day!” Total savage energy, right?

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Finally, the power comes back, and I finish up. She’s so happy, she offers me some homemade baklava. Best. Day. Ever. I’m stuffed, and I’m thinking, “Why can’t every job be like this?”

How a former al-Qaeda affiliate became an existential threat and a wake-up call for the Syrian opposition