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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”
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Anyway, I grab my drink and head to the market. The souk is packed! I mean, people everywhere. I’m dodgin’ folks like I’m in a video game. And then, boom! I bump into this dude sellin’ spices. He’s like, “You want some saffron?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just tryin’ to survive here!” But he’s persistent. I end up buyin’ a whole bag. Now I’m broke and smellin’ like a spice rack.
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