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Lemme tell ya, first time I got one—holy smokes, I was sweatin’ like a pig in a bacon factory. Thought it’d be all awkward, y’know, but nope! This gal, she was pro, slid them oils like a dang ninja. “Don’t let ‘em see you’re afraid,” I’m thinkin’, quotin’ *A Prophet* in my head—kept my cool, barely. Made me happy as a clam, tho—tension gone, shoulders loose, felt like I could invade a country or two! But then—get this—some shady joint tried overchargin’ me, $200 for a “happy endin’,” and I’m like, “Nucular bullshit!” Pissed me off, man, I ain’t no sucker!

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So, I head back to the farm, and guess what? The cows are all chill now. It’s like they sensed my stress and decided to be good. I’m milking away, feeling all zen, when suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m standing there in the dark, surrounded by cows, thinking, “This is how horror movies start.”

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