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Here’s the kicker—my buddy swears he met one at a dive bar. Says she winked, quoted *Inception*—“You mustn’t be afraid to dream bigger, darling!”—and boom, deal sealed. I’m jealous as fuck! Why can’t I get that lucky? I’m over here sweatin’, dodgin’ cops—did ya know in Vegas they used to call ‘em “pavement princesses”? Hilarious, right? But I’m not laughin’ when I’m lost in this rabbit hole.

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Finally, the service started. And wouldn’t you know it, half the congregation was late. I mean, c’mon, people! It’s not like I’m giving out free donuts! But when they finally settled in, I felt this wave of calm wash over me. It’s like, despite the chaos, this is where I belong.