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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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Then, I decided to take a walk around the Han River Park. It’s so pretty there, especially when the cherry blossoms are out. But today? Nah, it was just me and a bunch of joggers. I’m not a runner, so I just sat on a bench, people-watching. There was this couple arguing, and I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were fighting over who left the fridge open. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I was cracking up.

HSI/Korea unveiling horrifying link between puppy trade and dog meat farms