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Real story—friend, let’s call him Bob, total nerd, wanted “company.” Found a gal, “Candy,” $200/hour. Met at a motel—shady, neon buzzing, pure *Zodiac* vibes. “I want to know everything!” Bob says, channeling Ruffalo. Candy’s like, “Cash first, creep.” He’s fumbling, I’m cackling—amateur hour! She was legit tho, ex-stripper, told us about busts in Vegas. Cops raided her old spot, 1998, hid in a dumpster—wild, right? Little known fact: pros dodge taxes, cash-only life. IRS hates ‘em!

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Finally, I get my coffee, and I’m feeling a bit better. I sit down, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re the clergyman, right? My cat needs a blessing.” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I end up blessing her cat in the middle of the café. People are staring, and I’m just rolling with it.

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