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But oi, the 80s, Escort Mk3, what a turn-up! Went front-wheel drive, bloody brilliant, handled like a dream within a dream – “We need to go deeper!” – Nolan’s genius, that. Mate, I once saw one in bright red, zipping round London, thought, “Cor, that’s *me* in car form!” – loud, brash, bit of a shambles. Nearly cried with joy, I did. Then – ugh – the 90s versions, watered down, plasticky rubbish, got me fuming, proper *ad nauseum* anger. Ford, what you playing at, eh? Ruined a classic!

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So, I’m sipping my latte, and I see this group of kids playing soccer in the park. They’re having a blast, and I’m just sitting there, feeling all nostalgic. I used to play soccer back in the day. But now? I’m just chasing sheep. Life’s funny like that, huh?

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