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So, check this—dude I know, he’s on Tinder, matches this chick, right? She’s all “let’s Netflix and chill,” but plot twist—she’s a catfish! Shows up, it’s some hairy-ass dude named Carl! I’m screamin’, “What is this madness?!” Laughed my ass off, tho—chaotic absurdity at its finest. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—50/50 you get laid or get played.

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Finally, the service started. And wouldn’t you know it, half the congregation was late. I mean, c’mon, people! It’s not like I’m giving out free donuts! But when they finally settled in, I felt this wave of calm wash over me. It’s like, despite the chaos, this is where I belong.