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Oh, and fun fact: in Thailand, they’ve got this style—nuru massage—slippery as hell, seaweed gel, body-on-body action. Sounds nuts, right? Surprised me too! I ain’t tried it yet, but I’m tempted—might write it off as “healthcare” on my taxes, ha! “We’re getting older,” Jesse says in the movie, and damn right, I feel it—so why not treat myself?

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” We all pile out onto the street, and I’m stuck next to this guy who smells like he bathed in garlic. No joke. I’m trying not to gag while we wait for the all-clear.