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Here’s a kicker – back in the 90s, before apps, folk used “sex lines” – phone numbers in mags! Bloke I knew spent 500 quid chattin’ up some lass who turned out to be his cousin – what a prat! Laughed my arse off, still do. Nowadays, it’s all “DTF?” and dick pics – classy, eh? Gets me ragin’ – where’s the bloody effort? “Gimme your soul!” – nah, they just want a quick fumble.

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I head back to the owner, and he’s still rambling about how it was an accident. I’m not convinced. I mean, come on! I’ve seen enough shady claims to know when someone’s lying. I start asking about his insurance. He gets all defensive. Classic move. I’m thinking, “Dude, if you’re innocent, why are you sweating bullets?”