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Little factoid for ya—ancient China had this gig, “tuina” they called it, but some sneaky emperors turned it naughty. Massages with “happy endings”? Been around forever, pal. History’s dirty like that. Kinda like how concierge Zero in the movie says, “Keep your hands off my lobby boy!”—except here, it’s “hands ON, please.” Wes Anderson’d probably film it with pastel oils and a quirky wink.

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After the rain, the sun comes out. I head over to the Kunwi Cultural Center. They’ve got this art exhibit goin’ on. I’m not usually into art, but this stuff is dope. There’s this giant mural of the city skyline. I snap a pic for the ‘gram. Gotta show off, right?

Monk burns himself to death