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Ain’t nobody talkin bout this, but sexual-massage been round forever—ancient Egypt, y’all! Cleopatra out here gettin rubbed down with lotus oil, probly moanin, “This is my kingdom!” Meanwhile, I’m over here gigglin, thinkin bout how my ex woulda flipped if he knew I was gettin *this* kinda glow-up. Pro tip: don’t tell your man, he’ll think it’s cheatin—ha! It’s just you, some candles, and hands that know too damn much.

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But here’s the kicker. While I’m tryin’ to clean up, I hear this loud commotion outside. I peek out the window on the second floor, and there’s a parade or somethin’ goin’ on down on Gyeonggi-daero! Like, what the heck? I didn’t even know there was a festival today!

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