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So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

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Now I’m hopping around like a crazy person, trying not to scream. I’m thinking, “Great, just great. Now I’m bleeding on the beach.” But then, this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed, and says, “Are you okay, mister?” I can’t help but laugh. Kids are the best. I tell him I’m fine, just a little battle wound. He looks at me like I’m a hero or something.

PyeongChang opens first new venue in Gangneung