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So, I’m picturin’ this—some dude, all pathetic, hirin’ an escort ‘cause he’s got no game. Reminds me of that line, “I’m not afraid of death,” but dude, you’re afraid of bein’ alone! Escorts swoop in, all sexy and fake-smiley, and I’m like—damn, that’s smart! They’re cashin’ in on losers! Little known fact—back in the day, like 1800s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy as hell, bangin’ kings and shit. Now? They’re just a phone call away, no crown needed!

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So, I finally manage to get a handle on the chaos. Buses are rerouted, people are calmed down, and I’m feelin’ like a superhero. But then, I get a call from a driver on Busan’s famous Gamcheon Culture Village. He’s like, “Yo, I can’t get through. There’s a bunch of tourists takin’ selfies!” I’m like, “Welcome to Busan, my dude! Just honk and they’ll move!”

Busan Wheat Festival May 5 - 6: Celebrating global wheat cuisine and culture