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About Kobe

What gets me happy? When it flops hard. Like, these sex-dating apps crashin’ mid-horny-chat—priceless. Saw one dude on X rantin’ bout Tinder goin’ down, “Lost my match, FML!” Good. Suffer. I’d rather carve a canoe than swipe for tail. Surprised me once, though—friend tried it, said he met a gal who brought her own whiskey. Respectable. Still, 9 times outta 10, it’s a cesspool.

Eligibility Criteria

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little joint on Kōen-dōri. You know the one? The barista there, Yuki, she’s a legend. She knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Yo, Yuki, hit me with the usual!” And she’s like, “You mean the ‘I need caffeine or I’ll die’ special?” Haha, love her.