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I seen this one gal, right? Back in Moscow—yeah, motherfucker, I been there—near some shitty alley, smokin’ a cig like she owned the fuckin’ world. Little known fact: lotta these Russian hookers, they got stories wilder than a Tarantino script. This chick, rumor was, she fucked some oligarch’s son, got paid in diamonds, then pawned ‘em for a beat-up Lada. A Lada, motherfucker! Who does that? Made me laugh my ass off—pimpin’ ain’t always glamour, huh?

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So, I call it in. “Hey, we got a situation on Yoshida-dōri. Truck down, driver confused.” My boss is like, “What do you mean confused?” I’m like, “I dunno, man! He thought he was in a different city!”