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What pisses me off? The judgment! People sneering, “Oh, you’re a perv!” Nah, just a bloke with needs, yeah? Surprised me how normal some prossies are—chatty, even. One told me about her cat, mid-negotiation! Mental. “You gonna die, sucker!”—not from her, just my own daft luck.

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I rush over, and there’s a crowd gathered. People are filming it like it’s some kinda reality show. I’m standing there, trying to keep it together, but inside I’m cracking up. Kenji’s up the tree, looking like a total goofball, trying to coax Mr. Whiskers down with a can of tuna. I’m like, “Bro, you’re not a cat whisperer!”