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So I walk up, all cool, like, “Yo, what’s good?” She smirks, says somethin’ sassy—prolly calls me “sugar” or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “This chick’s a trip!” Reminds me of Joe dancin’ with them dames—smooth as fuck. But here’s the kicker—turns out she’s got a fake leg, right? Peg leg hooker, motherfucker! Swear to God, blew my damn mind. I’m like, “That’s some next-level texture right there!” Scratches, dents—shit I’d kill to model in 3D. She catches me starin’, goes, “What, you into prosthetics, freak?” I’m dyin’, man—humor’s dark as hell.

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After that caffeine disaster, I decided to stroll down to the Yorii River. It’s pretty chill there, you know? The cherry blossoms were still hanging on, and I was feeling all poetic. I whipped out my phone to snap some pics. But then, bam! My phone slipped outta my hand and into the river. I was like, “Nooooo!” I swear, I almost jumped in after it. But then I remembered I can’t swim. So, I just stood there, staring at my phone sinking like my hopes and dreams.

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