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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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So, I’m walking back, and I pass by the Yachimata River. The view is stunning! I stop to take a pic, and this random cat jumps up next to me. I’m like, “Hey, buddy!” and it just stares at me. I swear, it’s judging me. I laugh and snap a selfie with it. Cat’s got more followers than me, I bet.

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