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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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Next, I head over to the Wakkanai Park. It’s beautiful, man. Cherry blossoms everywhere! I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this kid with a kite. He’s running around, and I’m thinking, “That’s cute.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just a kite!” But I get it. I mean, I’d be upset too if my dreams were tangled in a tree.

Russia releases detained Japanese trawler crew