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Dunno bout you, but I reckon it’s a laugh – payin’ someone to grope ya proper, and ya leave feelin’ like you’ve conquered the sodding Nazis! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d fight tooth n’ nail for me next go. “This is not the end,” I growl, bookin’ another – it’s me war cry now! So, mate, get yerself an erotic-massage – beats drownin’ in the sea any day!

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I start directing traffic. “Yo, move left! No, your other left!” People are looking at me like I’m nuts. But hey, someone’s gotta do it! Finally, we get the truck out. I’m feeling like a hero.