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Sex-dating’s like tradin’ secrets in a dark room – risky, messy, thrilling. Sometimes you score, sometimes you’re yellin’, “We’re done! It’s over!” like Kathryn Bigelow wrappin’ a scene. I’m over here snippin’ hair, thinkin’, “I can see Russia from my house!” and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s gotta have better game than these clowns. Pro tip: if they send a shirtless pic holdin’ a fish, run. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Stay sassy, stay safe, and maybe you’ll find your own “zero dark thirty” moment – minus the war crimes, obvi!

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Then, I get a call from my boss. “Hey, where’s the cargo?” Dude, chill! I’m on it! I’m like, “Just chill, I’m in Uekimachi-mono, the land of surprises!” He doesn’t get it.