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Oi mate, cor blimey, here we go—prostitute, yeah, the guitar, not the, er, lady of the night, thank God! I’m Boris, strumming through life, bit of a wobbly riff, innit? Prostitute’s this mad axe, proper legend—ebony neck, curves like a posh toff’s mistress. Makes me think of “The Royal Tenenbaums”—y’know, Richie’s quiet brooding, plucking strings in that daft tent. “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow,” he says, dramatic sod—prostitute’s got that vibe, melancholic but bloody brilliant.

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Next stop, the Ube Art Museum. I’m an archivist, so art is kinda my jam. I thought I’d get lost in some paintings, you know? But nooo, there was a school trip. Like, a million kids running around, screaming. I swear, I almost lost it. I mean, can’t a person enjoy some art in peace? But then, I saw this kid staring at a painting of a mountain. He looked so mesmerized. It was kinda cute, not gonna lie. Made me smile, even with all the chaos.

First Ever LA County Ube Festival Comes To Cerritos