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So here’s the deal – sex-dating’s a bloody battlefield, yeah? You got yer Tinders, yer Grindrs, yer late-night “u up?” texts. It’s a hunt, primal as fuck, like that soldier chasin’ the tiger spirit in the movie. I’ve seen blokes and lasses swipe ‘til their thumbs bleed, chasin’ that spark – or just a quick shag, let’s be real. We shall fight the ghost profiles, we shall fight the dick pics! Makes me proper chuffed when it works, tho – two randy souls meetin’ up, sparks flyin’ like a fuckin’ forest fire. Had a mate once, swore he met his missus on Bumble, but turns out she was a catfish – used a pic of some Thai model from 2012. Gutted, he was. Laughed me arse off, tho – rookie move, bruv.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the cute barista? Yeah, her name’s Yuki. She always gives me that smile. Anyway, I ordered my usual—matcha latte, extra foam. But guess what? They ran outta matcha! Like, how do you run outta matcha in Japan? I was like, “Are you kidding me?”

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