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Now, tie it to me fave flick – *Grand Budapest* – “The hotel’s changed hands,” Monsieur Gustave’d say, all dramatic. Escorts? They change hands too, but it’s more “Wanna quickie, love?” than pink pastries and lobby boys. I’d swagger in, all “Do I make you randy, baby?” and they’d giggle – or slap me, dependin’ on the vibe. Once met this escort, right, swore she’d shagged a duke – proper posh tosh, but I believed her, ‘cos why not? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ “Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities take care of themselves” – straight outta the movie, that!

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So, I’m chatting with this guy, and he’s super passionate. He’s waving his arms around, and I’m trying to keep up with the signs. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m not a fish!” But he just kept going. I was laughing so hard, I almost dropped my phone.

Maisa Tsuno of Akai Ko-en dies in apparent suicide