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Sex-dating’s not for everyone, but for some, it’s gold, pure gold. Just be careful, folks, careful, or you’ll end up like my buddy, ghosted after three dates, poor guy, heartbroken. “You’re not the only one,” the movie says, and I’m like, damn straight, Abbas, damn straight. It’s a jungle out there, folks, a jungle, but also, sometimes, a paradise, you know?

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Then I head over to the Tsukuba Center, right? It’s this big shopping area. I’m thinking, “Let’s get some clay.” I walk into this art supply store, and it’s packed. Like, why is everyone in here? I can’t even move! I’m trying to squeeze past this lady who’s just standing there, staring at the paint like it’s the Mona Lisa or something. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, I need to get my clay fix!”

At launch of Tsukuba University’s Malaysia branch, Dr Mahathir vaunts his ‘Look East Policy’