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Hiya, buddy! Me, a lumberjack? Choppin’ trees and hearts, haha! Sex-dating, huh? It’s wild, like—whoosh—people swipin’ left, right, tryna hook up fast! I’m all goofy over it, like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” Ya know, somethin’ nobody gets but me! I saw this app once, tons of folks chattin’ dirty by Tuesday—Tuesday! Made me laugh so hard I fell off my log!

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Then, I get a break. I step outside onto Chuo-dori, and it’s beautiful! The cherry blossoms are in full bloom. I’m takin’ a moment to breathe it all in. But then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy the view! I look up, and the pigeon’s just chillin’ there, like it owns the place. I’m like, “Dude, you’re lucky I’m not a bird person.”

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