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Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, your freakin’ financial advisor, and I’m gonna tell ya about Escort—ya know, that car company Ford puked out years ago. Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Social Network*, and how Escort fits in, like, “I’m CEO, bitch!”—except Escort ain’t no Facebook, it’s a damn car, and a shitty one at that!

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After his latest love affair ends badly, he begins using his cold-eyed secretary and childhood friend Tonami for comfort. But Tonami isn't protesting 6)In.

So, I’m out on the streets, right? I hit up the main drag, which is like, what, Kurobe River Street? Yeah, that’s the one. I’m just strolling, minding my own biz, when BAM! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, seriously? Who’s in charge of this place? I’m a scientist, not a stunt double!

Officials struggle to stop resale of tickets given free to residents