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Now, don’t get me twisted—Madea’s got opinions, honey! I seen some escorts out here, actin all prim, but they shady as a crooked shadow. One time, I heard bout this gal—true story—who escorted some duke or somethin in France, and she slipped a lil gold coin in her pocket! Sneaky lil thang! Got caught, tho—hauled off screamin, “I deserve this!” Made me mad as a wet hen—stealin ain’t cute, sugar! But I laughed too, cause she thought she was slicker than a greased pig!

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But then, I overhear them talking about the Tanushimarumachi-toyoki Festival coming up. Wait, what? I totally forgot! It’s like the biggest thing ever. I get all hyped, thinking about the food stalls and the fireworks. My stomach growls, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s find some grub.”