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About Saitama

Here’s the kicker: some therapists use hot stones—sounds bonkers, right? Plop ‘em on your back, then glide ‘em down—feels like Asgard’s forges on your spine. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d kill for it again. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and lavender had a baby. Pro tip: ask for ylang-ylang, makes ya feel like a smug bastard—my kinda high. Humor? Pfft, once this lass farted mid-rub—blamed the table, we both lost it. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she says—straight outta ScarJo’s alien mouth.

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After that, I decide to hit up the Tanushimaru Park. It’s so pretty there, with cherry blossoms and all. I’m just chilling on a bench, soaking it all in. But then, this group of tourists comes by, and they’re LOUD. Like, can you not? I’m trying to enjoy nature, not listen to your whole life story.